Reclaiming Spirit from Within

Along the shore of the Hudson Bay

My dad and I were sitting on the train and he shared that he remembers seeing Indigenous kids his age leave on the train in Churchill. He wondered where they were going, and later learned that they left to attend residential school.

My dad and his eight siblings didn’t go to residential school because they weren’t Status Indians according to the Indian Act. Even though my dad and his siblings didn’t go to residential school, we’re still affected in other ways.

What does this all even mean?

I’ve been working through grief and shame. Grieving stories, language, ceremony and teachings I wasn’t gifted at birth onwards by my maternal and paternal grandparents simply because they lost their spiritual connection to their Indigenous roots. It isn’t their fault they disconnected from their spirit, as it was often forced to rid the “Indianness,” alas embedding societal shame to have brown skin, and praying to the Creator in Muskego Cree, rather than God or Jesus in the many churches.

My paternal grandparents chose to live in Churchill after leaving York Factory, and they resided in a small neighborhood of Indigenous families along the shore of the Churchill River, called The Flats.

My grandparents, Jarvis and Elizabeth Spence raised my dad and his eight siblings in this house.

As a teen, I felt like something was missing, I had a yearning for something larger than me. It wasn’t until I was introduced to Indigenous spirituality as a young woman, I then realized my spirit had been longing for it to be braided with medicines, teachings, and ceremony.

Why does it still hurt so much? To make space to truly feel anger, sadness, grief and rage in my bones.

To grieve grandparents sharing stories of living in York Factory in Muskego Inninew language. I now know I’m not alone in feeling a rollercoaster of these potent emotions; knowing it’s unfortunately common to feel severed from spirit across Turtle Island.

How am I reclaiming spirit?

I remember feeling an immediate relationship with the Hudson Bay, the Churchill River and the surrounding tundra and boreal forest as a young girl. Knowing my family chose this territory to call home is reassuring. I’ve since built a relationship with the land and rivers that flow through and around Manitoba. Offering tobacco and gifts to the rivers, the trees, the medicines, and people on these lands.

In my travels throughout Turtle Island, I’ve crossed paths with knowledgeable, kind, strong and intuitive mentors, youth, acquaintances, Elders, Knowledge Keepers, who have turned into good friends and family. They’ve shared teachings, songs, medicines, stories, language, laughs, jokes, hugs, love and space to grow.

You know the type of people that can make you tip your head back and let out a LOUD cackle eh? A clap, and a foot stomp even! This type of laughter is the ultimate medicine, as it sustains our resilience to keep fighting the good fight for future generations.

Our spirits are braided with the roots of Mother Earth, and it is our duty to take care of her, Nimama. As I continue to work with communities, more specifically youth, I encourage the youth to explore their Indigenous roots, and connect to their spirit.

I’m curious, how are you reclaiming your spirit?